October Update — My First Broadway Audition and What I Learned

Originally posted October 11, 2019

I met Cindy Crawford, watched a mouse scamper into my bedroom and hustled to my first Broadway Chorus Call… All things that make me feel like I really am living like a New York Actress. Here’s what I learned from it all…

I don’t know what it is… but I tend to attract strange situations that make for great stories. You may know that from talking to me in person or maybe from reading this blog… but I attract dramatic situations.

I walked into work the other day and as I was clocking in, someone said to me that Cindy Crawford was in the store at the moment but didn’t know where. I assumed I wouldn’t see her because she was probably keeping a low profile since she was in a lululemon store in SoHo during extremely busy hours on a Saturday. Then, I got on the floor and there were people everywhere. The store was super busy and I saw a woman hunched down, attempting to pull a stack of leggings out of a lower shelf. So, I went to assist and asked, “Can I help you with finding anything?” That’s when she looked up and says… “Can you just pull out that stack for me to go through? I’m sorry that I’m making you have to fold this again. I used to work in retail, so I know that’s annoying.” Ummm… you used to work in retail? How about you used to be one of the most coveted supermodels of the 80s and 90s? And you bring up how you used to work retail?? HA! How nonchalant and down to earth could a celebrity be? I obviously obliged her by not making a huge deal out of her appearance so I spread out the stack of leggings and she handed me back the “no’s” and I helped fold and stack the “yes pile” for her and she said thanks was on her merry way… I turned to look at my other co-workers who were smugly folding pants and giggling at me. I said, “Did that really just happen?”

People are just people. Of course Cindy was gorgeous and is KNOWN for her beauty, but kneeled down and looking through merchandise, she was just another person to me. And she kept that narrative going. People want to be SEEN for who they are, not what they’ve done that seems glamorous and other-worldly to others. That’s something I can relate to with Cindy. You could call us “soul sisters” now if you want. I know I’ve been wanting to feel “seen” lately… more on that later…

So, the mouse saga begins with a loaf of bread, similar to many great stories. Aladdin… Les Miserable… the mouse in my bedroom… all compelling underdog stories. Last month, we had a big rain and I wanted to make a sandwich for lunch. Important details, I swear. I grabbed my loaf of bread and could feel the bread through a hole in the side of the bag. After examination, I realized that the hole had definitely been created by a creature who had nibbled through the plastic wrapping and into the loaf of bread. I couldn’t remember getting it from the store that way… but it was definitely possible. So, I update my roommate about the possible critter either in our apartment or at the Harlem Whole Foods and her response was, “Oh, no… yeah, I definitely saw a tiny mouse crawl out from under the dishwasher and then crawl right back after a big rain… So, it’s possible it happened here.” WELL I GUESS THAT SOLVED THE MYSTERY! All my soft packaged foods are now in the fridge or live in our absurdly high cabinets… Seriously, this apartment is ideal if you are over 6’5″. All was well, no more stolen nibbles of bread! Until a big rain came through a few days ago and I naively ran the dishwasher, making the under-the-dishwasher-hideaway a warm sanctuary for our tiny mouse friend. I was sitting in my room finding music for today’s audition when I see something move near the doorway out from the corner of my eye. It moves again and I look… THE TINIEST LITTLE MOUSE HAS SCURRIED HIS WAY UNDER MY DOOR AND IS IN MY BEDROOM! I audibly gasp and that is enough to send the mouse back under the door and back to his hiding place.

First of all… so grateful that it was a tiny, cute mouse and it didn’t come FROM my room only TO my room and left promptly… It’s the little things, pun intended.

I put on my rain boots to leave my room, stuffed towels under my door when I went to bed and diffused peppermint oil in my room because I googled that mice don’t like the smell of mint. But now that I’ve seen the mouse… I’m no longer unsure about what happened to my bread. I know the warm dishwasher on a cold rainy day brought the little guy in from the alley and now I know a next step to take and what to look out for. It’s not a lesson that I knew that I needed to learn but it came in the time it needed to come.

You could also say that the little mouse ALSO just wanted to be seen and you could say that Cindy Crawford, the little mouse and I are all soul sisters, but maybe I’m pushing it…

Today is the day I planned on going to my VERY FIRST EVER Broadway call. I woke up like a kid on Christmas morning at 3:45am even though I couldn’t fall asleep until after midnight. I had everything prepared to be out the door by 4:30am to be early in line to ensure that I would be seen. The call was for ensemble roles in Waitress which is closing in January, which made it feel like a perfect call because it wouldn’t be too busy, they may not really be looking for new people and it’s a show I’m right for. I laid out my wait in line clothes as well as my audition outfit the night before. (Both non-equity and EMC Men and Women can sign up on an unofficial list as soon as the building opens but the Women’s call didn’t begin until 2pm… so I’d have time to go home and change) I packed my bag with snacks in case there was a long wait or line and I had my Dunkin’ order preset in my phone to send as soon as I walked out the door! I was a well oiled machine this morning! One could mistake me as a pro! As I exit my apartment building triple checking the checklist in my head, I look to my right and see a dead pigeon who appears to have possibly flown too hard into the window since there is a tear in the window screen near the crime scene. Does that only happen in Windex commercials? Is this a bad omen or just 4:30am in New York City? I walk a few streets towards my train and I step past a large rat who has been rollerpinned into the blacktop and I start to believe it’s just 4:30am in NYC but then I see the bars and gates down on the Dunkin’ Donuts that I sent my breakfast order to… Obviously it was a bad omen. Online it said the store was open 24 hours. So much for the city that never sleeps!! I found my way to the next best option. There is a McDonald’s right outside my train stop so I shuffle inside and the man at the register says, “I’m so sorry, we’re only taking cash right now.” Well, that was on my to-do list today. Get cash at some point in midtown. So, I’m flat out of cash and no coffee or breakfast like I had thoroughly planned. Then the man sees my disdain and asks, what did you want? And I tell him, “I just wanted a sausage McGriddle and a coffee.” He gets me a large coffee and a sausage McGriddle for my troubles. A good omen! The “hot” coffee was cold and definitely yesterdays… but a good omen, nonetheless! I got to the train stop with my unconventional breakfast that didn’t work out as planned and I sat and waited 15 minutes for my train because the train schedule doesn’t run quite as often at crackhead hours. I tried to drink the lukewarm, day-old coffee and I enjoyed the McGriddle before my train finally arrived. As I took a seat on the train, a rush of gratitude came over me. Did who I was 10 years ago ever really think I’d be on a 1 train before 5am in NYC heading to a Broadway audition for real? 5 years ago? Even 1 year ago? Honestly, I don’t know if who I was 6 months ago would believe that I would actually be doing this. I was so grateful to be able to try.

I get to the building and didn’t see a line outside, which due to every movie about the “business” I’ve ever seen is what I expected. I wait outside for a second then sent a text to some friends who were also attending the call when 2 people stopped me and asked if I was there for the Waitress call which affirmed that I’m at the right place. I tell them yes and we went inside together and took the elevator up to the studio and there were 3 other people sitting on the floor waiting. I thought to myself… “Okay, so I’m definitely going to be seen today.” There was something really neat about sitting on the floor with other people who had done either 50 of these auditions or it was their first. There was a camaraderie. It was a cool reminder that we all are hustling and wanting it to pay off. We all took this day off work to hustle and hopefully at LEAST be seen. Someone started an unofficial non-equity list and I was #2 on the women’s list. Ugh! The hustle pays off! I’m finally going to be seen! Or so I thought…

There was a rumor that the monitor would be come to transfer the unofficial list to the official list at 6:45am so my friends and I waited around for an hour and a half before we decided to go home and get ready and just keep checking Audition Updates on Backstage.com to keep us informed about the list. When I got home after signing up I was wide awake and anxious. (And for those of you worried about my Dunkin’ order from earlier, I picked it up on my way home.) I didn’t think I could fall asleep and was checking Audition Update every 2 minutes. I set an alarm for 9:30am and told myself not to check Audition Update until then! I quieted my mind enough to pray, “God, whatever happens today, help me to know it’s bigger than me and help me to learn something.” And somehow that prayer soothed my spirit enough to put me right to sleep. When I woke up, I checked Audition Update. The monitor didn’t arrive until 9am which is more typical and all the names were transferred so I was all set! I started to get dressed and ready around 10am because I was the second on the official list for non-equity! I needed to be ready as soon as all the Equity women had been seen. The hustle was going to pay off!! Then, the tragic Audition Update hit…

——————-“The monitor announced that they will no be seeing any non-equity today.”——————

All I wanted was to be seen. But was that true? Do I need to be seen to know I’m a value to the theatre community? I didn’t feel upset at all and maybe that’s because I found out before I was dressed and at the studio. I just felt grateful to have tried. My narrative wasn’t that I hustled and it didn’t pay off… it was that I hustled and it didn’t pay off this time, but it will because I learned something. I didn’t know or understand how these auditions worked until I arrived today and met people who had questions and answered my questions and realized that the Dunkin’ nearest to me is not open 24 hours and the trains run less often that early in the morning and I probably didn’t have to sit around for an hour and a half, etc… I learned so much that I didn’t realize I needed to learn!

Like Cindy Crawford, I want to have a humble narrative about my journey and like my little mouse friend taught me, I want to be open to lessons that I don’t know I need.

SELF-DISCOVERY: Situations like today, when the hustle doesn’t pay off, it can be easy to fall into the idea that the business is working against you. This is the part where people say that this business eats you up and spits you out. People took off work to be up between 3-4am and don’t even get an opportunity… There is something that feels dark and evil about it all, but the only thing eating us up and spitting us out is taking it personally and not having gratitude for the opportunity to learn. The fact that I can see past the misfortune of the situation proves my longevity. The hustle WILL pay off.

XOXO,

Texas Jess