Hey y’all. I’m Jessica Tanner. I’m a mom and a musical theater performer, and today, I’m inviting you to my very first coffee chat. ☕ So sit down, grab a coffee, grab a tea, grab something to drink… and let’s chat.
TW: Miscarriage & Pandemic
Why Did I Decide to Have a Baby Early in My Performing Career?
This is one of the most common questions I get: Why did you choose to start a family so early in your musical theatre career?
And honestly, it’s complicated because depending on what circle I’m in, the answer feels really different. When I’m around friends with more traditional 9-to-5 post-grad careers, early 20s feels like a super normal time to start a family. In those spaces, I sometimes even feel like the older mom. And the question is more, “When are you having another?”… But when I’m on a contract or hanging out with performers, I’m usually the only mom and/or often seen as a very young mom.
I’ve been asked everything from “Was it on purpose?” to “How did that happen?” Since my pregnancy journey, as many others, was complicated, this can often feel insensitive. Not all babies are here with us and even “accidents” can end in a loss.
And the truth is, this decision wasn’t one big lightbulb moment. It was a combination of things, from my perception of success, to the pandemic, to rethinking my dreams and the timeline I was told I had to follow.
BFA Expectations vs. Reality
Before I pursued theater, I honestly thought early 20s was just a normal age to start a family. But once I got into musical theatre school, I got the message loud and clear: If you’re going to do this, you can’t do anything else.
Every summer or holiday was about contracts, gigs, or auditions. You were expected to miss family holidays, your cousin’s wedding, your sibling’s graduation. I took that so seriously that I almost missed out on building the life I’d always dreamed of … starting my own family.
The Pandemic Shifted Everything
When I moved to NYC after graduating in 2019, I was all in. Auditions, survival jobs, living the “dream.” Then the pandemic hit. I had to pack up my first New York apartment, move back home, and sit with the question: What else do I have other than this career?
That season made me rethink everything. I started dating again and reconnected with my now-husband, Braden. We’re both performers, and both had our identities wrapped up in being actors. But the pandemic forced us to ask: If this career can disappear overnight, why are we putting everything else on hold for it?
So we planned a wedding. We got married. We prioritized our relationship. And we both knew we wanted to start a family not wait until “the right time.”
A Surprise Role On and Off Stage
During a Theatre for Young Audiences (TYA) show, I was cast as the mom and the same week I got the role, I found out I was pregnant. It was sweet and surreal.
But despite being young and healthy, I had a miscarriage.
That loss was devastating. It felt like I was losing both dreams. I’m not a mom AND not a performer. I was grieving what felt like failure on both fronts.
But four months later, we got pregnant again. Now we have our beautiful rainbow baby, Harper. 🌈
And guess what? The desire to perform never left. I didn’t have to choose. I’ve always wanted both — motherhood and a career in musical theater.
Auditioning While Pregnant (and After)
After our loss, I got pregnant again and just as that happened, Braden and I were offered a cruise ship contract. But once I revealed I was pregnant… we were ghosted. It was crushing.
Still, we booked another show locally, and I performed from 15 to 20 weeks pregnant. My costumes grew with me. I was doing full dance numbers, sequins and all, with a baby bump and it felt amazing. That show helped me visualize a future where I can figure this out.
We had a beautiful, supportive, female-led production team. They adjusted choreography, worked with my body, and helped me feel safe and seen.
That was the last professional show I did, not because I quit, but because life is still happening. I went to my first EPA postpartum. I was pumping in the car. Still submitting. Still auditioning. I didn’t leave. I never left.
Redefining “Making It” as a Performer-Mom
People sometimes ask, “So when are you getting back into performing?”
But I am in it. Just because I’m not in NYC anymore, or performing onstage full-time, doesn’t mean I’m not still a performer. I moved to Houston where I can afford to live, have a village around me, and raise my daughter while staying creative.
Success looks different now. I’m not waiting for a specific contract to validate my career. I’m living it. Every self-tape, every audition, every creative endeavor counts for me.
You Can Do It All, Just Not All At Once
Motherhood and theater both evolve. You’re not pumping forever. Babies grow. Life changes. You don’t need to wait for permission to live your dreams.
There’s no perfect blueprint. People might not get it and that’s okay.
Don’t explain yourself to people who aren’t trying to understand.
You can be a mom. You can be a performer. You can write your own rules.
This is your life.
Thanks for having a coffee chat with me. Let’s do it again sometime. ☕💛
XOXO,
Jess
Jessica Tanner 
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