The Other Side of the Center of the Universe

Originally posted August 7, 2019

The bags have been packed and unpacked. I’ve officially changed my address to New York, New York. I did it. Now what? The emotions rushed over me like a monsoon my first night in my tiny room in Upper Manhattan. I was laying in bed listening to the traffic noises and the barking dog next door thinking, “Oh my gosh! What have I done!” It’s real now. But there was also something at the other end of that fearful thought. Excitement.

It feels very similar to a few other moments in my life, but also very different. It feels like my night before my college auditions at Unifieds in Chicago when I just cried in my hotel room because I was so scared that I wasn’t good enough to do this and I was in way over my head, then I went and did the audition. It also reminds me of my family driving 17 hours from Texas to Bloomington, Illinois for college where I knew no one and was far away from all of my family. When my parents drove away I sobbed in my room and then the community shower and then made plans that evening to meet people. I was scared but excited for the adventure and I feel that way now but with less security. I don’t have a designated place to be every day and don’t have a meal plan to rely on. I’m even further away from all of my family and I don’t have the safety net of an educational institution. AGH! But I always did it. I maybe cried and thought that I couldn’t do it… but I always did it.

I’ve grown since these experiences and I’m sure I’ll cry and be scared some more, but what came from the heartaches of the past are so worth it. I’m going to do it! I’m already here, meeting people, taking advice and trying to take it all in. NYC is a beautiful place. “The Center of the Universe,” as it’s called. And when you’re here not just as a tourist… you can feel that. Here in the center of the universe you can feel both surrounded by people all the time and very alone.

I’m grateful for alumni who have gone out of their way to welcome me to the city. My first day I got to grab coffee with my IWU alumni gal pals, Emily Hardesty, Megan Sperger and Jackie Salgado and that was really refreshing. I’m so happy that I got to start what was going to be a stress inducing day with women from my collegiate background who knew exactly what the experience is like to make the move. My second full day in the city I was invited by IWU alumnus Kenny Tran to a screening of @l5y_project featuring IWU alumnus, Kevin Schuering. (Check out the project’s Instagram handle or their hashtag #l5yproject for more info)

Meeting alumni and their artist friends making their own art and thriving was a huge encouragement to me. It also totally affirmed my gratitude for the IWU network that I previously blogged about! (Read that blog post here.) Welcoming artists giving advice and encouraging me in this whirlwind of a time in my life was such a blessing. I’m very thankful that I could peak behind the curtain of my fear and know that I am seen, I am known and I am here.

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear.” – George Addair

George Addair devised this from two other famous quotes. One from Theodore Roosevelt,

“Believe you can and your half way there.” and another quote from Plato, “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”

I think we can easily use our fear of the possible “dark” to stay out of the light. The fear that success may come but that will require a lot of failure to get there. I’m going to work through my fears of being here because I know what’s on the other side.