Leaving NYC…

Originally posted June 24, 2020

I am leaving NYC…

This statement may not seem like news to you, because as many of you may know… I haven’t been in NYC since early March due to COVID-19… But it’s official. My lease will not be re-signed and I am traveling tomorrow morning to move my things out.

I moved to NYC to chase my dreams of becoming a performer. A performer in the theater. LIVE theatre. No one really knows what live theatre or events are going to look like in a Post-Covid world and for now everything is on hold when it comes to live performances, especially in NYC where most of these shows are cast and rehearsed. Half of the cost of living in NYC is the experience of being in a city full of people and things to do and see. But even that is going to look different in a Post-Covid world. The best option for me now is to stop paying NYC rent for an un-NYC experience. If I can’t audition for theatre why am I there? NYC is a cool place to live with so many other things to do but if I can’t experience the city either, then… Why stay?

New York was not the place I expected to be immediately post-grad. It felt too big and I felt too small. I feel like I’ve re-iterated this a million times. But the fact that I even moved my life to the big city was a huge thing. But leaving it feels even bigger. I’m trying to not let myself feel like this is a setback because I know that if I hadn’t made the move when I did… I might not have ever made the choice to go. It was perfect timing. That is really hard to say when I’m prepping for a flight to move everything back less than a year after I moved into my first apartment in the city. But it was perfect. Even this, now. It’s such a whirlwind to have done all this in my early 20s but I’m sure even more craziness that I can’t explain will happen to me before 25 that will feel like cake compared to this.

I’m flying into LGA with my dad and suitcases full of broken down boxes to pack up and ship my things back to Texas. It’s not ideal and I’m not excited to see how different the city looks. I’m hoping I get a sense of closure by seeing with my own eyes how different it all is and how it will probably be that way for a while. But for now I’m sad. The flight will be sad. Moving my things out will be sad. It’s not what I wanted and it’s not what I thought ~*NYC Summer 2020*~ was going to even remotely look like. None of my 2020 New Year’s resolutions involved not living in NYC… But there is hope and there is a next step.

If you thought my move to NYC was kinda crazy… get this… I’m flying my things home to Texas for a few weeks then I am DRIVING with my things re-packed and moving in with my cousin in Union City, Tennessee! Why you ask? It’s about an hour from most of my extended family, I get to live with a cousin I’ve never lived near in my life and why the hell not? It’s a big change of pace but Ms. Rona has surely given us all a change of pace, has she not? I’m excited to slow down. Slow down. I’ve been constantly moving and begging for the next step since I started school. Always going, going, going and knowing what was next. I knew what grade level was next, which diploma was next… goals that were strategically set for me. Moving to NYC was a goal that I created and achieved on my own but, then what? Those achievements are much more understated. I’ve been going on a linear track and demanding more and more. Early on in the shut down I was doing lots of self-help type things to pass the time and keep my mind off the fact that we were (are) in a global pandemic. I did a guided meditation and had myself, as Oprah would say, an “AHA! Moment”… The guide said, “Sometimes we must slow down to speed up…” What? How simple and silly? But it gave this time purpose. What felt like an immovable obstacle now felt like a tool for my betterment. When was the last time I actually SLOOOOWED DOWWWWN? I can’t tell you when! Heck, when I was in New York, one of the fastest paced places in the modern world, I felt like I was at a stand still most times. And the times that I think I have slowed down were scheduled down to a T and had an separate purpose…

So much growth can come out of finding opportunity in the difficult, but I know my default is to focus on the difficult. A change of pace and focus towards family instead of internally and on career is the perfect way to take advantage of slowing down.

I know that my story is always changing and changing way faster than I could ever plan for. I know that my time in NYC isn’t over. I’ll be back. And I’ll trust that I will know when the time is right. This will be a huge change but it will only prepare me more for what’s next. Here’s to slowing down to speed up!

XOXO,

Texas Jess