Originally posted February 7, 2020
From this title you may be thinking that I will be taking a vacation from auditioning… sorry, no, that is not that case. I will be taking a vacation that INCLUDES an audition! Woohoo! I really just love to wrap it all up in one, don’t I? One day I will do something separate from my career and not be so laser focused on everything theatre and auditioning, but for NOW it is the season and I’m making this my vacation! But I’ll get back to that… here’s what you missed at the end of January.
January sucked. It was cold outside but not even cold enough for it to be fun cold, like snow. No, just cold enough that it sucks to walk to the subway and then get all sweaty in your coat on the hot train to work. On top of that, there were a few other inconveniences that made January a bit more difficult to bear…
For instance, the impeding possibility of job insecurity with my contract maybe ending at lululemon, a priority shipped package full of Christmas gift cards and my renewed license getting lost in the mail (or perhaps getting stolen) and moving into a new apartment where my stuff doesn’t quite fit the way it needs to but it’ll have to work for now… all can make a month feel… LIKE IT NEEDS TO END. Only one of those problems of January has been solved… I now have 2 jobs and they look like they’ll be sticking around for awhile. But, the package is still no where to be found despite the numerous visits to the Post Office and me, personally, going to every apartment building on my street asking to check if they have a misplaced box in their building.
One of my many visits to the Post Office concluded that the delivery address that was confirmed wasn’t wrong, but the picture they had of the delivery location was not my apartment building… so, I went on a little scavenger hunt.
Door to door I went! What I learned was that this must happen all the time… Every mailroom I saw had multiple packages just sitting there that were in the wrong building. That both encouraged and discouraged me in my endeavors. I even took a few of the misplaced boxes to the correct buildings in exchange to see if I possibly had a box there! No luck. But, you’re welcome, USPS! I did half your job! And I can’t even file for the insurance until it’s been gone for 15 days… First World problems, am I right?
I’m just thankful that January brought me one thing… “The Bachelor”. It’s back and more dramatic than ever. I seemed to have back to back to back rough weeks but I could always rely on one thing. Monday nights at 8pm, I can watch a man (with very questionable taste) date 20 terrible women. Seriously, I don’t like a single one of them this season. (The women are meaner than ever which makes for great television and probably some serious visits to therapy for them.) It felt like the only thing I could control in January and it is really nice to have roommates who also love to watch. So, I’m thankful for Pilot Pete and his, so far, terrible season that I will definitely watch until the end.
Not all hope is lost! It is FEBRUARY! I never thought it would come! Punxsutawney Phil also declared that we would get an early spring, although, I don’t think we needed to hear it from him and his shadow because it has only snowed once in NYC since I moved here and it is now February… doesn’t look like winter is even going to make a real appearance this go around. After a rough month that felt like a lifetime, finally February is here and off to a big start!
I am currently writing this blog from Tennessee. Yes, I am out of the city and it feels so good to take a little break from the crazy. I’m here visiting family for a few days before heading to an audition conference in Memphis. Yay UPTAs!
I woke up on Thursday at 3:30am (I went to bed at 1:50am) and headed to the airport to fly from New York to Houston for 2 seconds to catch a connecting flight to Memphis, to then rent a car and drive 2 and a half hours to spend 2 days with Tennessee family (since I didn’t visit them for Christmas and I missed that precious time) then drive back to Memphis to reunite with college friends and also audition for a ton of summer theatre seasons… let’s just knock it all out, I guess! I’ve been anxious about this trip for the past few weeks. I want to feel like I have enough time with family to make it worthwhile and also catch up with my friends and enjoy Memphis as well as do a killer audition… Trying not to put pressure on it, but I definitely put a lot on my plate for the weekend.
I bought new audition clothes and I’ve prepared audition material that I usually wouldn’t reach for but I’m excited about! I flew Southwest which means I severely overpacked so that I could take advantage of the “check 2 bags free” deal. I have everything I could possibly need for every possible situation at the audition and am just trying to enjoy some downtime with family in a much calmer environment than New York constantly is.
I’m also excited to audition back with groups of people who know my journey as a performer and support me and my potential. A hard part about auditioning as a newbie in New York is that you’re constantly surrounded by people doing the same thing as you, but they are all strangers. My audition support system right now is built between a few people who know me well, and that isn’t a bad thing! But, there is something special about auditioning with a group of people who have seen you and supported you through more performance breakdowns and break-throughs than you’d care to share.
I started this blog sort of to hold me accountable. To prove to myself that I was doing it and to share with others that I was trying… I think along with that, I wanted to encourage myself when ever I had poor self-talk or when no one else could really see what was in my heart to tell me exactly what I needed to hear. I felt like I was going into New York alone so I wanted to AT LEAST be able to talk to myself! So here’s a pre-audition pep-talk meant for me, but applicable to anyone…
(ALSO, I just read this gem on Lesli Margherita’s website and it made me sob and I think every aspiring artist must read it… so if my talk doesn’t work for you, maybe that one will!)
But here she goes!
This is not a beauty competition. This is not a “looks – most – the – part” competition. This is not even a talent competition. It is not a competition. The competitive feeling that you’re feeling is the fear of your own lack of uniqueness and value… You are not lacking in either. You are smart and talented. Don’t forget to give yourself credit for those things. Just because you didn’t lose sleep doesn’t mean you didn’t work hard/prepare enough. There is no badge of honor for not taking care of your body to prove that you are “more prepared.” You’ve done enough. Don’t let anyone else’s version of “enough” change your idea of yours. You are feeling all of these feelings because you care. That means you are exactly where you are meant to be. Let it be joyful, or it isn’t worth your time anyhow. You are special and unique. Callbacks don’t define that for you because it is already the truth. You have so much to offer and whether you book a job or not it doesn’t change that fact. The goal is not to book a job or prove anything to anyone. There is nothing to prove. Take this step with joy and gratitude because no matter where it leads, it’s in the right direction.
– Lesli Margherita
To all those auditioning this weekend whether it be at UPTAs or anywhere else, break a leg! If you’re not auditioning and just wondering if you’re where you’re supposed to be right now, you are!
I’ll definitely be posting a blog update about how the audition conference goes once I get back from this whirlwind of a weekend. I also have a few workshops/classes I’m going to in the city in the next few weeks so I’ll have lots to share hopefully! I’ll be vlogging about my Memphis audition too, so if you don’t already follow my YouTube channel, GO AHEAD AND SUBSCRIBE! You’ll get some exclusive footage of my audition experience that no one should care about, but you reading this blog, probably wanna see anyway! Follow me on Instagram for trip/audition updates on my story. Here’s my latest post about February… can’t you tell that I’m thrilled?
P.S.- I have some callbacks for things I’ve submitted for ONLINE which is exciting and the future. This just means that now I need to memorize things and film myself for these companies so that is fun! Things are happening around me whether I see them or not. It’s working. Just maybe not at my pace.
XOXO,
Texas Jess
Jessica Tanner 
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