Originally posted July 24, 2019
I’m typing this with a cup of herbal tea and a box of tissues next to me. My body is *bleh*but, my heart is soaring. I don’t really get sick often or easily, so when I do, I usually know that stress is involved… Finding an apartment in NYC when you’re not physically there is HARD! Job Hunting when you’re not physically present is DIFFICULT! I’ve been having to take it one step at a time even though I really just want to dive in head first and have it all happen. I’ve been feeling under the weather on and off almost all of July. I got really sick our last full day of vacation in Mexico and that was a real bummer but this weird cold hasn’t been too bad until TODAY. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I think my body finally just said, “I give up! Take me!” Because I think I’ve FINALLY found a place to live for my first while in NYC! ~*Not finalized yet but it’s in the works and the one-way plane ticket has been purchased!*~ Which feels like a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. Even though, I don’t have a job yet and I’m leaving in T-minus 10 DAYS!
It is finally starting to feel real and less like a dream. I’m sure I’ll be there in 3 weeks thinking, “What am I doing here?” and it’ll still feel dream-like but right now, not only is sickness smacking me in the face, but also the joy of… am I really doing this?! It seems so little and so big at the same time. I’m just moving, but it’s a very similar feeling to when I moved from Texas to Illinois for school. I had a purpose but no clue what I was getting into. Scary and EXCITING!! A scary thing about moving so far for college was not knowing anyone at all and creating myself independently in a new place and now I get to do that again… which is a blessing and a curse. Starting over is hard but it makes way for so many new possibilities. I’m so glad I have a few friends from college that either are in the city or moving soon so I have some people surrounding me that I’m familiar with though. That will make the transition to the new easier.
I know I’m going to grow exponentially when I arrive in NYC but I’m really surprised by my growth in the past few months. I told my parents that I wanted to move to NYC the fall after graduation in April. I hadn’t shown much of an interest in moving there before so it was pretty huge for me to verbally tell them that was my plan. I told them that I wanted to move with ZERO plan of how but 100% support from them which I am immensely grateful for. I scoured the internet for advice on moving and I’m thankful that I had professors at school that led me in the right directions and gave me alums to talk to and make a game plan that has changed. Every. Step. Of. The. Way. The location I wanted to move to changed on multiple occasions, my move-in/out timing changed, my roommate situation changed and so many other things, but I know it is all coming to fruition exactly how it was supposed to. And now my body is crashing. With gratitude. And sickness.
I’m really moving to NYC! If anything to say that I tried it. I can’t wait to write more of these excited posts about the changes going on. Maybe even a few disappointed posts, because I know it won’t be perfect. But I know it’ll be worth it. And that’s all that matters.
Jessica Tanner 